Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week begins this week. Sadly there is nothing I can do as far as Social Media Week colliding with it.  However, along with deciphering a subway map, I have also discovered ways to take Fashion Week the same way Kourtney and Kim have taken New York.  Although we all aspire to have a seat next to the runway like Anna Wintour, it is not always going to happen.  However, that doesn’t mean you can’t experience all of the fun and excitement that is Fashion Week.  The clothes are awesome and all, but in the end, everyone is really in it for the parties and free champagne.  Here are five rules to live by if you plan on conquering Fashion Week from the bottom up.

Rule #1 Show Off Your Dark Side: Though you may be tempted to splurge on a colorful couture outfit to stand out among the fashion community, there is really no need to do that.  In fact, I highly discourage it.  The idea is not to call attention to yourself, but to the clothes being displayed on the runway.  Neutral tones of black and grey are the way to go.  Now is the time to break out that signature little black dress you already have in your closet.

Rule #2 Don’t Cause a Champagne Crisis: Free champagne and organic cocktails are two of the many benefits of being invited to exclusive Fashion Week events.  Always drink responsibly.  In the event that you are done consuming alcohol for the night, yet still want to invoke an image of Fashion Week excess, sip diet ginger ale from your champagne flute and the night is all yours.

Rule #3 Blow is Never the Way to Go: 80s inspired styles belong on the runway, not up your nose.  Please enjoy a drug-free Fashion Week.

Rule #4 Beware of Creepy Old Men: Believe it or not, creepy old men that should be hitting up Match.com, run rampant at Fashion Week waiting for some model or onlooker to get wasted or become desperate.  Stay as far away as possible from these individuals.  Not only are they annoying, they are trouble.

Rule #5 Pretend to Know Everything & Everyone, Even if you Don’t: To act as if you know fashion, is to know fashion.  Throughout the course of Fashion Week, the people you meet will bring up names of designers, models, etc. that you have never heard of.  Never reveal your ignorance.  Superficial answers like “Yes, they are so inspiring” are completely sufficient.